Cedar Valley Publishing

Drifting through Dinner

As I sat the dinner table with my family I found myself drifting. Physically, I was present. Mentally, though I was a thousand miles away. Thoughts of tomorrow’s schedule and what was yet to come kept me from being mentally present. The realization of my distance became apparent when my daughter asked, “Can we have ice cream, brownies and sprinkles for dessert” and after a slight pause I answered, “uh huh.” My wife looks across the table (more present than I apparently was) and asked, “Did you hear what she just asked you?”

Does this sound familiar?

Being present takes practice for most adults. Kids live in the present, absorbing life through each of their five senses in a way that most adults envy. While I am in favor of planning for the future I discourage worrying about the future or the possibility of what might happen if…

Eckhart Tolle’s new book, A New Earth, looks at the power of being present and the negative effects of drifting to the future or dwelling in the past. Teaching kids, to plan for the future while being present in the moment is a challenge worth pursuing.

The next dinner your family spends together may be a wonderful opportunity to model being present. Experiment with the ideas below.

• Acknowledge. Choose someone at the table who you would like to either thank or share an appreciation with. Simple statements like, “Thank you for helping me with dinner” or, “I appreciated your kind words this morning” keep everyone focused on the person sharing the statement as well as bringing a positive mood to the table.
• Beware the downward spiral. If you hear someone start to dwell on the past or drift too far into the future as they begin to talk about the negativity in their life, create a spiral motion with your hand. The overt gesture is a quick reminder to the speaker that he or she has started to drift away from the present.
• Use your senses. Everyone takes a turn in sharing something they observe about the present moment while using one of their five senses. The meal, room or table centerpiece have attributes worth describing. The smell of fresh vegetables (even frozen, which is more often the case at my home) often go unnoticed when the focus of your conversation drifts. Another way to engage in this activity is to see if everyone can share a unique comment about something they smell before moving on a new sense.

Given the small amount of time families share together do we really want to keep the focus on what happened while we are apart? Enjoy the time you spend together by keeping the focus on the present moment.

Regards,
Joe Bruzzese, M.A.
Leading Parent Coach for the Middle School Years
Author of A Parent’s Guide to the Middle School Years, to be published spring 2009 with Ten Speed Press

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