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How to Ignore Behavior 

Kids whining, tattling and tantruming? How about talking with a mouth full of food, thumb-sucking, nail biting, and nose picking? Welcome to the world of parenting (or working with kids).

When I’m speaking on discipline and talk about passive Time Out - briefly ignoring undesirable or annoying behavior to extinguish it - most parents don’t realize that even scolding and yelling are forms of attention. (Kids will take negative attention over none at all.) Be careful, when you get angry and react, you may be teaching the very thing you don’t want your child to do.

Ignoring behavior is pretending its not occurring. Hard? You bet! If you’ve heard me speak on discipline and the power of passive Time Out, you know I preach; do not look at, talk to, touch or respond to your child during the inappropriate or annoying behavior.

“But if I briefly ignore my child, he’ll think I approve” parents tell me. If you fear silence equals approval, then make a short, simple statement such as “I don’t like it when you whine.” Then look away. 

Here are the two guidelines for passive Time Out:

• Be consistent with this approach. Ignoring once, and scolding next time, is confusing your child and will likely increase the intensity of the behavior. He/she will think it’s necessary to escalate the behavior in order for you to respond. Expect the intensity of the behavior to increase before it decreases!
• Give attention as soon as acceptable behavior begins. Ignoring must be followed by supportive
  attention as this teaches your child that appropriate behavior gets your attention. 

Remember,

• There are some situations where ignoring is NOT appropriate (when your child is hurting others or property).
• Ignoring IS difficult. . .been there, done that with my daughters. But practice makes permanent.
• Ignoring doesn’t always get immediate results. Be patient, persistent, and consistent.
• Ask others in your family to ignore the negative behavior, too, otherwise they’ll sabotage your teaching.

For more from Brenda Nixon, visit her website at www.BrendaNixon.com and sign up for her free newsletter!

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